Metastable Equilibrium
by selfavoidingwalk
Summary: A collection of unrelated short pieces starring various combinations of Aizen, Hinamori, Hitsugaya and Gin. Dark, for the most part.
1. On the Science of Guilt

_A/N: One more chapter to go for A Series of Firsts! In the meantime, I have decided play with hyphens, because...I just felt like it. (Take that, proper punctuation.) Thanks for reading!_

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**1. On the Science of Guilt**

Night falls on Seireitei, moonlight illuminates her delicate features, shadows pool around her bedside and out of the haze of her dreams she wonders, _'why do you insist on staring down at me with eyes that burn with an intensity unmatched -'_

"Hitsugaya-kun," she murmurs. A thick silence blankets the room and she rolls over onto her side, half-asleep, lazily reaching a hand out to grasp the hem of his robe as she smiles inwardly and thinks, _'always so stubborn -'_

The rustle of discarded clothing assures her of his compliance to her unspoken demand, so she relaxes and waits for him to slip under the covers, to kiss her goodnight, to make a caustic comment about how she hogs the blankets or how she could at least be awake when he returns from a long day at work -

A hand, rough and calloused from years of combat, gently tilts her face up towards his, but when she blinks the bleary sleep from her eyes she sees gold-flecked brown in place of piercing green and realizes, _'not these eyes, no, i would know these eyes anywhere -'_

She tenses in shock as he presses his lips to hers, soft caresses nothing but cruelty masked with sensuality as his hands trail over her body, leaving invisible scars and unseen bruises in their wake as she closes her eyes and tries to hide from the man who relentlessly marks her as his -

He surrounds her with intoxicating whispers of broken promises and finely woven lies, and she has never experienced hatred as deep as what she feels for herself when her body arches, a traitorous response to a traitor's touch -

"I hate you," she forces out between ragged breaths, but his mouth is fire on her skin, his hands tear her apart with their careful ministrations and his eyes tell her that he knows better, knows that she is lying, knows exactly what and how deep she feels as her soul aches to the tune of, _'stupid, stupid girl, this is not the Aizen you once knew -'_

He smiles, slow and deliberate and completely different from what she remembers, but his gaze smoulders with cold determination and so much that she does not, will not, cannot understand -

She cannot resist and he knows it, knows exactly how her guilt scales with her pleasure as she throws her head back and gives in to the man that she still loves, as her heart shatters into a million irreparable shards -

"Please," she finally breathes, her eyes imploring and wild and desperate as her mind recoils, _'this is wrong, wrong -'_

Darkness falls on Seireitei, moonlight seeks shelter behind gathering clouds, and shadows engulf them both as she screams her captain's name and thinks, _'Shiro-chan, Shiro-chan oh god I'm so sorry -'_

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_Characters: Aizen, Hinamori, mentions of Hitsugaya_


	2. On the Meaning of Cost

_A/N: And I should be studying...well, I wrote this when I should have been studying, and now I'll study when I should be proofreading this...!_

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**2. On the Meaning of Cost**

They walk together in companionable silence, and she watches the harsh lines on his face relax ever so slightly as a gentle breeze teases at his hair, impossibly white against the vivid spring colors that decorate Seireitei and saturate their senses -

"Oi," says Hitsugaya suddenly, gesturing casually towards an empty doorway. "I need to talk to you."

"What is it, Hitsugaya-kun?" she asks, curiousity evident in her tone as she stares up at him with limpid brown eyes open wide and inquiring.

Their gazes lock. "I hear you turned down command of the fifth," he begins cautiously.

This is not a topic she wishes to discuss, so she sighs and offers no answer.

"It's been thirty years, Hinamori," he says firmly. "You've earned it. The twelve captains all stand by you." He pauses, his eyes softening imperceptibly as he continues, "And I, I will always stand by you."

She shows no sign of relenting, so he shakes his head and returns to his intended purpose. "How long have we known each other?" he asks, wincing at the awkward change of subject.

"What? Why?" she immediately responds, her demeanor one of concern as she postulates a root cause for his peculiar behavior. "Is something wrong?" She reaches a hand out to feel his forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Hinamori," he answers, his eyes clear, his gaze certain. "You worry too much. Just answer the question."

She pouts and steps back. "Fine, whatever," she says. "A long time. Forever. Why?"

"Forever," he says thoughtfully. "That's exactly what I told Abarai."

"Abarai?" she asks, her brows knit in confusion. "What does Abarai-kun have to do with anything?"

"He's right, you know," he continues distractedly, as if talking to himself. "I've been foolish to wait this long."

She instantly tenses because she knows what he's about to say, and desperately tries to stem the flow of words with an outstretched hand. "Hitsugaya, don't," she implores.

But he has never backed down from anything before, and he presses onwards because it is the only thing he can do. "I've always loved you, Hinamori -"

"Stop," she says abruptly, and her entire being aches at the intensity of the pain emanating from the young captain standing before her.

Fierce, unyielding turquoise burn with a depth of emotion that she didn't think him capable of. "Don't say you don't care for me," he says through gritted teeth. "Don't lie to me. I know you care."

"Yes, but..." she answers slowly, her heart breaking under the weight of his scrutiny. "But..."

He capitalizes on her hesitation and takes her hands in his, but her movements are almost frantic as she pulls back and looks away, her shoulders hunched in misery as she stumbles backwards.

"I'm sorry," she says brokenly, rubbing her hands against her robes and glancing furtively at Hyourinmaru. "I can't, Hitsugaya. I can't."

He watches as she fidgets uncomfortably, as she wrings her hands and unconsciously tries to scrub invisible stains from her fingers, and the silence between them is rich with unspoken accusations.

"It's not that I don't love you," she begins, but he silences her with a cold look.

"Don't say it," comes his voice, eerily calm as the ice tightens its grip on his heart and solidifies over his soul.

"Hitsugaya-kun," she tries again, but he turns away and she chokes on her words, tears falling freely from her haunted eyes.

He stares balefully at the hands she finds repugnant, hands with which he protected her when she needed him most. "I know," he says, biting off each word with a hatred she cannot fathom. "You don't have to tell me. I may be a fool, but I'm not stupid."

He walks away, and she watches helplessly as her little Shiro-chan forever disappears, leaving instead a man shaped by his strength and shattered by her weakness.

Storm clouds gather in the sky as she bows her head and remembers the war, remembers his oath to protect her no matter the cost, remembers his bankai, remembers him standing over her with his hands drenched in Aizen's blood -

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_Characters: Hinamori, Hitsugaya_


	3. On Pets

_A/N: Sorry, sorry, I'm not dead. Exams, you know how it is. I intended to post this eons ago, I'm just now getting back into the flow of writing and catching up...Anyways, thanks so much for reading!

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_ **3. On Pets**

When Gin was nothing but a ragged child hovering aimlessly in the Rukongai, he once came across a puppy, deserted and left to die by an owner who could no longer manage the expense of its care. His arms were full of stolen bread and his body ached from the scorching heat, but still he stopped mid-stride and stared, unable to tear his eyes away from the helpless little creature that sat obediently by the side of dirty, dusty road.

The puppy raised its head and he watched, transfixed, as a spark of hope lit and died almost instantaneously in its wide, limpid eyes.

Its tail wagged in a slow, sorrowful rhythm as it patiently waited for its owner's return, adamant in its refusal to believe that the one who was charged with its care, the one who had its complete loyalty, trust and love, would simply turn his back and walk away without so much as a backward glance.

Gin knew better. Even when Gin was nothing but a street urchin with open eyes and a lighter heart, he knew that one could not subsist on hope alone.

When the passage of time finally brought his predictions to bear, the other children cried and the adults shook their heads at how cruel the owner was, to betray something so sweet and loving - the adorable little puppy who never did anything wrong to anyone to deserve such a terrible fate.

Gin stood stock still with neither tears in his eyes or words of censure on his lips, because he understood in its harsh entirety the necessary demise of the innocent, guileless creature that everyone, including its owner, adored but could not save.

Now, when Gin is everything as a powerful captain of the Gotei 13, he observes with interest the stark familiarity of the situation before him. He watches every expression and action from the little girl who has taken his place by Aizen's side - and though he has things to do, places to be, he is unable to tear his eyes away from the eager young Shinigami who follows his captain around Seireitei, this cute young thing with irresistable liquid brown eyes that speak of an innocence pleading to be shattered.

Gin stands in the distance as she smiles brightly and says something to her captain, and from across the courtyard he hears Aizen laugh - a genuine, clear ringing sound that he has never heard in all their years together, not even when they discuss the plans that have been entrusted to him alone.

Gin knows that Aizen trusts him implicitly, but suspects that Aizen's affection for Hinamori is far superior to any emotion that his captain has ever and will ever hold for him. The older man's ambition knows no bounds, but not even Aizen can deny how endearing the pretty little vice-captain can be, with her shining eyes a window to an unblemished soul.

Gin watches from the rooftops as she falls asleep at her desk, watches Aizen carry her back to her room, her head lolling on his shoulder and her arms wrapped lightly around his neck as he walks slowly through the corridors. His subordinates exchange amused glances as they approach but say nothing, respectfully making way for sweet, hardworking little Hinamori-fukutaichou and their kind, caring captain.

Aizen's pet, they all call her - not out of derision, never that with Hinamori - but rather it is the perfect analogy, how Aizen dotes on her, how she follows with undying loyalty and devotion and stars in her eyes.

Aizen sees all this and loves every second of it, Gin's sure - relishes the attention and savors the power, the tantalizing hold that he has over the undeniably attractive and almost unfairly talented young woman that would do anything for him. But the more he watches, the more Gin is convinced that Aizen genuinely adores her. Gin stands in the distance and watches his successor's every move, watches his captain come alive, and does not envy one bit the girl who has accomplished what he never could.

Gin sees more than he lets on, and is not surprised in the least when she meets a kinder fate than the little puppy that she so resembles.

The Shinigami will wail and sniff, Gin's sure, because for all their years of collective experience, the minds of the Gotei 13 are no different than thoseof the children Gin left behind in the Rukongai so many years ago.

Gin watches his captain stare down at the fallen Hinamori and recognizes the disappointment his captain feels for being unable to save her, appreciates the mercy that his captain has shown by killing her in one swift stroke as he held her in his arms, understands that this is the reward bestowed upon the only one who has ever touched the heart of he who will one day rule the world.

It is a dangerous thing to be loved by Aizen, he muses, as he casually strides past the remains of she who could never understand.

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_Characters: Gin, Aizen, Hinamori_


End file.
